For Gale, and anyone else who was interested, here is my log from "Da Bomb!"
since the link will no longer work. For anyone not interested, just pretend
it's a diatribe about Jeeps or Montana weather or some other off-topic topic
with a whole weeks worth of 'quoted' text attached. That should make you
feel right at home. [;)]
For those who don't know, this was an April Fool's joke. The pretense was
that the cache contained a bomb hidden on a remote island within a heavily
guarded military base that was surrounded by razor wire, landmines, a toxic
waste dump, alligators and other such obstacles.
Here's my log:
"I hijacked a plane and demanded they fly over the base ''or I would give
them a million dollars.'' (Sure, the official US policy is ''We don't
negotiate with terrorists!'' but they don't have anything in the policy on
how to deal with idiots.) The pilot thought I was bluffing so I started to
write out a check then and there. He quickly turned the plane toward my
destination and when we were over it, I jumped out, D.B. Cooper style and,
during my freefall, tried to remember if he used a parachute. Luckily, I had
my seat cushion from the plane and, according to the flight attendant, it
could be used as a flotation device. Good thing I landed in the water just
off-shore. When I came to, I got out my trusty Swedish Army Knife and,
rather than risk cutting myself on the razor wire, I proceeded to dig a
tunnel under the fence using the 'shovel' blade. Once through the fence, I
used the 'dangling pocket watch' blade and hypnotized the alligator in the
ditch. When I got to the toxic dump area, I used the 'noseplug' blade and
held my breath really hard while I tiptoed through to the other side. (Lucky
for me, after years and years of practice, I can hold my breath for up to 15
seconds at a time.) After each 15 second interval, I ran back to the
beginning and took another breath of fresh air. Using this method, I was
able to traverse the toxic waste dump in almost no time. Of course, I had to
do all of this in my stocking feet to avoid tripping any errant mines so it
took a little longer than I had hoped. I had a little trouble actually
locating the cache until I listened for the ticking of the clock. That was a
dead give-a-way. (As such, I think the difficulty for this cache should be
reduced to half a star, or maybe even a third of a star. I wouldn't go as
low as a fourth of a star, though.) When I did find the cache, I took all of
the contents and replaced them with exact replicas. That is, except for the
twinkies. I ate them; not because I was hungry but because you should never,
never, never leave food items in a cache. After replacing the cache, I
reconnected the red and blue wires that some idiot had left undone and I
started plotting my escape. Just then, a humvee full of MP's drove up and
asked me what I was doing there. I froze for a second and figured I would be
thrown in the brig but then I remembered to say, ''Nancy sent me,'' and they
said, ''Okay'' and we all had a good laugh and the base commander, whom I
had never met, showed up and we had tea and scones and talked about the good
ol' days and had a great time. Eventually, I had to go though, and the MP's
said I could catch a ride with a group of Navy Seals that were just getting
ready to leave the base. I accepted the offer and, although they smelled of
fish and they mostly just layed in the back of the humvee on their stomachs
and balanced balls on their noses, I appreciated the ride and was eventually
able to understand the short barking commands they used to talk to each
other."
-- Sprocket
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