I tried to join Paranoids Anonymous, but no one would tell me where they were meeting.
     Tom Wilson

Even paranoids have real enemies.
     Delmore Schwartz

I'm a tad paranoid, I think the person in front of me is following me the long way around.
     Dennis Miller

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
     J. D. Salinger

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous — everyone hasn't met me yet.
     Rodney Dangerfield

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
     Unknown