For Gale, and anyone else who was interested, here is my log from "Da
Bomb!" since the link will no longer work. For anyone not
interested, just pretend it's a diatribe about Jeeps or Montana weather
or some other off-topic topic with a whole weeks worth of 'quoted' text
attached. That should make you feel right at home. [;)]
For those who don't know, this was an April Fool's joke. The
pretense was that the cache contained a bomb hidden on a remote island
within a heavily guarded military base that was surrounded by
razor wire, landmines, a toxic waste dump, alligators and other such
obstacles.
Here's my log:
"I hijacked a plane and demanded they fly over the base ''or I
would give them a million dollars.'' (Sure, the official US policy is
''We don't negotiate with terrorists!'' but they don't have anything in
the policy on how to deal with idiots.) The pilot thought I was
bluffing so I started to write out a check then and there. He quickly
turned the plane toward my destination and when we were over it, I
jumped out, D.B. Cooper style and, during my freefall,
tried to remember if he used a parachute. Luckily, I had my
seat cushion from the plane and, according to the flight attendant, it
could be used as a flotation device. Good thing I landed in the water
just off-shore. When I came to, I got out my trusty Swedish Army Knife
and, rather than risk cutting myself on the razor wire, I
proceeded to dig a tunnel under the fence using the 'shovel' blade.
Once through the fence, I used the 'dangling pocket watch' blade and
hypnotized the alligator in the ditch. When I got to the toxic dump
area, I used the 'noseplug' blade and held my breath really hard while
I tiptoed through to the other side. (Lucky for me, after years and
years of practice, I can hold my breath for up to 15 seconds at a
time.) After each 15 second interval, I ran back to the beginning and
took another breath of fresh air. Using this method, I was able to
traverse the toxic waste dump in almost no time. Of course, I had to do
all of this in my stocking feet to avoid tripping any errant mines so
it took a little longer than I had hoped. I had a little trouble
actually locating the cache until I listened for the ticking of the
clock. That was a dead give-a-way. (As such, I think the difficulty for
this cache should be reduced to half a star, or maybe even a third of a
star. I wouldn't go as low as a fourth of a star, though.) When I did
find the cache, I took all of the contents and replaced them with exact
replicas. That is, except for the twinkies. I ate them; not
because I was hungry but because you should never, never, never leave
food items in a cache. After replacing the cache, I reconnected the red
and blue wires that some idiot had left undone and I started plotting
my escape. Just then, a humvee full of MP's drove up and asked me what
I was doing there. I froze for a second and figured I would be thrown
in the brig but then I remembered to say, ''Nancy sent me,'' and they
said, ''Okay'' and we all had a good laugh and the base commander, whom
I had never met, showed up and we had tea and scones and talked about
the good ol' days and had a great time. Eventually, I had to go though,
and the MP's said I could catch a ride with a group of Navy Seals that
were just getting ready to leave the base. I accepted the offer and,
although they smelled of fish and they mostly just layed in the back of
the humvee on their stomachs and balanced balls on their noses, I
appreciated the ride and was eventually able to understand
the short barking commands they used to talk to each other."
-- Sprocket